Sand Clouds Kicked High

Today I realized
That I've been living in denial
I've been holding on
Grasping, gripping
I held so tight

What's invisible is real
What is visible is fake
I wonder why
God made it this way.

Are we a race,
Living in denial?

Nothing makes sense
I'm so tired of life
I have never truly lived
No, I've never truly lived

Self-centred monster
I've been
Tested and tried
I've run away from the fire

No more running
But this intense monotony
Drives me to anxiety

Nothing makes sense
Will it ever?

Longings I was made to feel
Denied fulfillment by my Maker
Or so it feels

Am I the only one
Who is lost?
Who is tired?
Who doesn't know what is going on?

Kick the sand
And watch it rise
It goes back down again
What if my life's experience
Is summarized
In a series of sand clouds kicked high
Only to fall
And mingle with yesterday's tries.

I refuse to go there.

Why is life this way
Why the masks
Why the invisibility
Why the pain?

And I'm well-off
Or so it seems.

People wonder
Why I'm never myself
Why I'm so quiet

I'll tell you why
Nobody will like the real me
Obnoxious and self-absorbed

I'll tell you why
He's denied
Me trying to find
My value
In other things
And He's right.

I'm tired.
And tired people
Don't think of others
And tired people
Want rest
And tired people are tied people.

I'm tied.
And I've heard of ways to be free
And I've tried
And I've pulled
And I've stopped
And I've cried

But in the end,
Honestly,
I'm still tied

And that, my friend
Though I wish it were otherwise,
Can't be denied.

Might as well scream about the
cracked ice
Before summer comes
And it all melts.

I'm tied.
I've cried
Now, what?
Do I continue this cycle
Or do I simply live
Or do what I like?

I'm tired.