I've Learnt to Laugh

Rare occasions
When I peek
Like one foot hanging
off a cliff
Then I retreat

I've learnt to laugh
At my feeble attempts at community
What once would've been
a monologue of melancholy
Has calmed into an easier feat.

I've learnt to laugh
at social anxiety.

"Hello," I say
And in surprise
they turn at stare
at this silent organism
that never used to speak.

It used to hurt that
they didn't usually remember me
After years of distant acquaintance
I'm not the sort that is ingrained
in the mind of the multitude.

Maybe that's okay.

The anonymity has comforted me
When souls that should've known me don't,
It's like I live behind a looking glass
It's safer here, I feel.
Maybe I thrive in the lonely.
And maybe I don't.

But I have to learn
to shed this shell
Laugh I can
But rid myself I must
of this social anxiety.

The net will catch me safely
when I finally step off the cliff.