Who Am I//Alone

Ok so that title sounds horribly generic but I'm serious. When I left home, it seems like I lost my identity.

And if I want to be loved, because being loved gives me value, then I have to perform. And if I don't, then I risk not only having no friends but I'm labelled 'selfish' by the one I care about the most: God.

So God here I am. This was supposed to be a blog post. But I'm hurting. I'm sorry that I've failed. Or maybe I'm not as sorry as I should be. I am selfish. I don't want to invest in people's lives. I just want to be alone. But God, somehow I know that's not what You've intended so if You want me to get anywhere in this, You're gonna have to give me supernatural strength because I feel I am on a downward spiral to a well of selfishness, alone. Because I believe in relationships and I have a million ideals. And I love to work, alone. And that won't get me very far.
And I feel, alone.

The homeless person on the street that I just pass by. The friends I avoid.

I want to be alone.
But I can't.