A Liability of Me

Fake smiles
Fake me
Fake you

The walls have made
A liability of me
The masks have made
A dumb person of me.

I just want to cry
To have an arm to lean on
I look but I don't see anymore

The walls have made
 A liability of me
The masks have made
Me alone and speechless

Fake smile
Fake me
Fake you

I've become a mound of clay
My laughter and tears skin deep
Penetrates nothing
My vacuum still remains

Penetrate me
There's a bottle in my heart
It has my laughs and tears
I'm waiting for the arrow to pierce it
Then I'll be free.

My vacuum still remains
And only Your love can fill it.

The crumbling wall

The strings that hold
The crumbling wall together
They're unravelling.

The guards, they're dying
The soil is failing
And I risk
The wall crumbling

And in the walls are hidden tears
And in the guards are my bones
They wait to crack
And the strings still hold on
The tears won't fall

It's a risk
The crumbling wall

where

I'm addicted to the brokenness
The pain, the dissatisfaction
I'm addicted to the flailing
To the waiting
To the restless

But I'm tired of my addictions
Yet I can't move away
I feel stuck and hopeful
That maybe I'll rise from this dusty place.

Where carnal pleasures flee
And weak desires snuff out
Where strength and beauty abound
That's where I'll be found.

Where golden eyes shine bright and clear
Where baseless fears escape in tears
Where shriveled feet begin to dance
Where my restless heart finds its destiny.

The Nakedness of Me

Cause I'm living with mirrors
Mirrors all around
The reflect my every move
And hurl it back and disapprove

I'm living with mirrors
My every eye is on me
And I am obsessed with me
And to look to your own
Brings death in the end

 But I'm living with mirrors
And they tell me I don't measure up

And when I see me naked and incomplete
I build a wall around myself
And I flounder beneath the weight
Of bricks above, below and around

And today I felt the bricks begin to falter
Beneath a larger force
Hurl them away
I want to be free

But I can't deal with the nakedness of me.

And I feel Adam's carnal plight
As he hid from his Creator in nakedness
But my bricks, maybe they're just fig leaves
Tear them away
I want to be free

But I can't deal with the nakedness of me.

Reroute

Pull me closer
I feel torn apart
Then I wonder
If it's a sin
To be anxious at being
torn apart

If I look back
I lose my soul
If I move forward
I lose myself

Seems impossible
Not to chase lesser loves
Seems impossible
Not to try

Seems impossible not to
live for myself
Seems impossible to do otherwise


I've had a thousand cries
And I've rerouted twice
as many times
But my head never fully turned
to the other side
And I stayed where I was
In the dry, burnt sand.

Touchable pleasures
Trumped untouchable treasures
Maybe I've half-turned for the last time.

A stream

A stream flows
A stream flows
As the wind blows

A stream of tears
Clean from within
Full of guilt and fears
And shame and pain

I hear You call my name
I wish You would
call my name
Here in the stream I lie
Here on the ground I wallow

Repulsed by the tears
Full of guilt and fears
Full of shame and pain
All this aching I can't contain.

I want to dance
To a beautiful song
And I want to glide
On the smoothest ice

But every time I try
I know I shouldn't want to be happy
When people die.

No matter how much I may try
One more soul may die
Sometimes a soul seems an infinity
Though I may not seem to care

But the terror tears me up inside
As I swim in the stream
How can I sit by and wait to dance
As thousands die

How can I flirt with sin and shame
When a child starves
not knowing the taste of food.

This insufficiency is like pangs
in me.
I sit by
And shut out thoughts of reaching out
With folded hands
And a scrunched up heart
How do I move forward
With a God who doesn't seem
to understand.

Wretched I feel
How can they die?
As I sit by
And wait
For a dance?
That hardly seems fair.

Peace Shall Be Found

When your toes tingle
And your fear presses into your soul
And you are scared to think
You try to keep your mind blank

Every thought plummets into your
conscience.
Every move thrust into the war zone
Every pause accuses
you of something you
are afraid you did.

You long for a touch
For a voice, for a song
You think you expect too much
From the air, from the ground.

You wonder where's the source
Of your long-sought peace and joy
You flail and reach for a force
you're too weak to employ.

But I see the rain coming
To clear away your drought
To fertilize your dry ground

Peace shall be found.

yesterdays

I hear the whisper of yesterdays gone
I hear the laughter that was once my own
I see the love that I once had
I see the approval that I once scrambled to have.

I see us drifting apart
I see my weaknesses
Like secrets stowed
 within a fragile soul
You touched and I broke.
My oversensitive soul.

I see you hold new hands
And continue the song we began
I see myself at the begin of the rhapsody
We were neighbouring notes on a page
In a song that I no more call my own.

To Love and To Obey -- words

Some words trample
But never leave a mark
They scramble
Still leaving me stark.

They are sown
But never take root
With shouts they hit a vacuum
They never penetrate.

I must love
I must obey
But when I sing
The words don't seem
To penetrate

They leave me to ache
To turn and wrestle
They leave me to scream
Into the silence
That was never meant to be.

Your Voice in the Dark

When the sun goes down
And the stars grow dim
And the moon hides in his cave
And all light ceases to be.

Then I search for you
In the cold, in the silent din
In my flailing, in the pangs
I hear your voice
A voice in the dark.

The lilt of the high notes
And the brazen bass
I hear your voice grow clearer
Like the sun after the rain.

Waiting~One People

Waiting for the day
When we strike down the barriers
Waiting for the second
We stop the masquerade

Waiting for the dance
That we'll dance as one race
Waiting for a song
Without the walls to divide us.

Waiting for race to not matter
Except to bring us together
Our pasts were separate
But the time for that is over.

We are one people
This song we shall sing
The Lord is our keeper
Our leader, our king.


We won't judge each other
Because we are family
We are one people
And this song we shall sing.

Waiting for a melody

I'm waiting for a melody
To carry me away
Yes I'm waiting for a melody

The feelings flood in
And the words rearrange
But I'm waiting for a melody

That will snap me off the ground
Propel me through the clouds
Spin me round and round
And fill me with new sounds

I tap my foot to a rhythm
And I feel a song within
But I'm waiting for a melody
Yes, I'm waiting for a melody.

Do not awaken love

A young flower
Just beginning to bloom
A young daughter
In her heart for love there is room.

She waits for a dance
For a song
For a leap

Her blood runs wild
As she runs
As she seeks

Do not awaken love, my child
Before its due time
Do not pluck out the flower, child
Before it is ready to be entwined

Do not awaken love, my child
For I see it in your heart
You have so much more to learn
About the intricacies
Of this renowned delicacy.


His heart beats
With yearnings old
As his ancestors' did before him

The instinct is there
He longs to begin
But the flower is not
In full bloom

Do not awaken love, my child
Until it so desires
Or you may find an unripe fruit
And your yearnings may turn sour.

Do not awaken love, my child
Till you've learnt to love and protect
And when love does so desire
The flowers will bloom
And permeate perfume

As I lay beneath the leafless tree

The lightning struck
The rain poured down
I was exposed to the cold
Right to my bones
As I lay beneath the leafless tree.

The rivulets leaped in agitation
The birds hid away
The Earth was moaning
In morbid delight
As I lay beneath the leafless tree.

My soul was waiting
In hopeful despair
My feet were aching
Begging to be carried away
As I lay beneath the leafless tree.

The peak of my pain
Wasn't my beat-down state
But the thought of lands
Strewn with sunbeams
As I lay beneath the leafless tree.

The Ropes Within

I smile
You cringe
I relax
You frown

Oh my heart is made of glass
Of the most transparent kind
Yes you see into me
Yes you see my deadly wants.

But do you see the ropes within
That make my heart what it is without
Can you feel the cold within
That made my heart what it is now

Do you see how my heart is tied
A thousand single pieces
It's a picture that didn't come out quite right
Do you see the pieces of my heart

Here I am
I'll open up
Read what's written
On every piece of my heart

Look at the pictures
See how the ropes are tied
You'll know that I'm a masterpiece
That didn't quite come out right.

Protection

This describes the yearn for protection that some of us face:
https://media.giphy.com/media/3o7ZeF1s0grkfMloje/giphy.gif

God can be the "You"
And well, send the message.
Don't hold back!
He WANTS you.
He wants to be your father.
He CARES for you a whole lot!
:)