To You

I don't expect you to be stronger than me. But I expect you to be strong. We will be equals, you and I. Side by side we'll run. When our heartbeats hear each other they will experience superposition, amplification, we will reign.

I don't intend to be weak. But I'll let you in. And we will trace every map that is our bodies and souls and minds. Yes and we will paint new maps together in lands unseen.

My feet may be smaller than yours but our strides will be equal.

I can almost imagine you in my arms. You're probably alive, which is a strange thought. Pray, friend, pray. Let His Spirit move your lips till our hands touch for the first time-- our Father uniting us, body, soul, mind. Pray, even on our wedding day, as I walk down the aisle, your bride. Pray, when our lips touch for the first time, even then don't stop.

Don't let me be ever be worth more to you than the eternal song that we've both started singing even now. Pray.

You and I

What we have is like a wound in my heart. It's not that I'm hurt, no. It's just too painful to keep opening and closing and opening and closing the hope. I tell myself to stop-- to know that I am just a string stretched too tightly in desperation. I've snapped. Today I let myself give up-- we would never work, you and I. Would we? I feel like every word I say is boredom to you. No, I don't think you're mean. I think you're a lovely person. This wound doesn't mean you hurt me. It means I hurt me by opening my heart too wide to things that were never mine.

I found myself today

I found myself today--crumpled
no, not like a heart that beats too fast,
but like an aching tummy that won't go away

I found myself today
saying the swear words
I swore I never would

I found myself today lying on the ground
still stiff in apprehension to the world
wishing to melt, release, collapse
into the arms of a vague someone

I found myself today
no, not screaming and crying

I found myself today
wanting rhythm but finding chaos
maybe my life is a weird jazz beat
with a timing I can't quite figure out

I found myself today
wanting, wishing, praying.

I found myself today
lost.