Funny melancholy.

It's like music is all that's left
Of the truth, of the longing
Of the living, of the screaming

It's like music is all that's left
Of me trying, of my striving
It's my last breath of sighing
It's my last letter dying

The funny melancholy
Makes the sarcasm in me laugh
Though it's a sad laugh, a dead laugh
A trying.
I've been denying.

All the years that I've tried
All the years that I've died
Leave me stumbling through my life
I'm the failure that's inside.

No this isn't a funny melancholy
It's just my satire leaving me
I'm too tired to properly write.
What is the point of life.

I am fake.
I am a failure.
These things plague me every day.

Do you hear the song?
I'm only one voice of many
That have given up the fight.

I've not given up the fight.

Benih-benih Harapan

Mengingati nada dan ombak Bahasa Malaysia. Mengingati bahasa yang mengahwini diriku kepada negara tanah air. Mengingati kata-kata yang dahulu menjadi akar dan punca tekanan jiwaku. Tapi sekarang menjadi melodi harapan yang membawaku kembali kepada wawasan yang tertanam dalam diriku untuk menjadi agen pembangunan. Ya, negaraku sudah jatuh, sudah kalah, sudah gagal.Kita tidak perlu menafikan bahawa harapan yang dilahirkan semasa zaman kemerdekaan sudah terlepas dari genggaman. Tapi aku masih percaya bahawa benih-benih harapan itu masih ada. Kita boleh menanamnya semula. Ya, hatiku berdebar mendengar nada dan ombak Bahasa Malaysia. Ku lihat generasi yang lemah dan letih tapi ada benih-benih harapan di tangan. Ku masih percaya. Ku pasti ada orang lain yang masih percaya.

Mari kita bina Malaysia.

Tear Bottle

You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?
Ps 56:8 NASB
http://bible.com/100/psa.56.8.NASB

When the tears fall
And they hit the ground
And I see them go to waste

And the salt leaves
And I'm tasteless and free
And bland and willed
And alone.

And as I see them hit the ground
I see Your loving arm go round
And You pick the little tears
And You store them in a bottle

And look at my despair
And You see me cursing You
And You laugh Your merry laugh and say
I see you.

I've kept your tears in a bottle
They never hit the ground
I've been saving the salt
For the wars of tomorrow

And I've harvested the oil
And I've drawn you close to me
And my bosom is full
My fullness and yours

Words

One by one
Come
Come

God come
Singing God songs
It's like the words are all
  that's left
Of the exhilaration

March
I'm trying to make it rise again.

I need it to rise

Blow
Move
Swim
Sing

Laugh
Move
Try

live.

cry
dance
sing
write
touch
feel
move
live.

Darts

I don't really feel like putting
Words on a page, unfocused ball putting
Crying
But the tears don't mean anything
Numb
I am excited over unexciting things
Because I am tired

I am not worth it
or so it feels.
or so it feels
or so it feels.

Typing becomes a joy
Reading becomes a song
I am cold.

Look at the sky
No, it's all city lights now
distractions
sleep.

Type one more time
And pray it'll be okay
But you know it won't
You've tried.

Scream but no one hears you
It isn't that their ears are deaf
It's that you've got no more voice inside you
It's a hollow mess

But there must be more
Than the grimy nothing
Within the pain, something else coming
There must be more.

Every moment is a dart
That flies right at you

Hilang di mata, di hati jangan

Hati berdebar di tempat baru.
Ku bukan lagi di Malaysia.
Peribahasa dari zaman setahun jagung
Masih terngiang-ngiang di telingaku
Hilang di mata, di hati jangan!