Wrong Eyes

I'm sorry
For being a disappointment
When all I try to be
Is "decent" in your eyes.
I've failed.

Maybe I'm looking into the wrong eyes.

Weaker

Name after name
I've called myself
Scared to fail
Cause of those who tried
They tried
They tried

I've got my own pain
That I've got to let go
Time after time
Vanities materialized.

I'm weaker than I thought I was
I'm shallower than I thought I was

I just want to feel You tonight
Or maybe I'm not looking
The pain is like a disguise

I'm tied

It's all my fault
Pierce my hardened heart
And make me cry
I'm unwilling to believe that I'm a lost cause.

I'm not a lost cause
I'm not a lost cause tonight

It's probably just pride.

I'm a failure in my own eyes.

Rough Dance

Rough and coarse
I see you move
Up down, up down
One secret or two

I know why you dance
You dance to wash away the pain
You scream inside
But if you let the scream materialize
They'll think you're crazy

And so you dance.
I see the screams in your dance
Dance
Dance away the pain.

Shards

We're like shards, broken pieces
And broken shards pierce
And broken shards make people cry.

Then one broken shard,
Makes another broken shard.
And we're left with a broken world.

I seem to be
a puddle of sorries untold.

Intimacy

Emotions unworded
I long for intimacy
Maybe I shouldn't laugh
At cheesy speeches
Cause my feelings, when described
Seem worthy to be laughed about

I need to long for the invisible
But I am too weak
Must I deny every joy
Before I can see

I feel these longings in me
These longings for intimacy
Only You can truly fill them
But I am too weak

Help me to look to You
Guilt engulfs me
I'm too tired to fight
I'm tired of hypocrisy.

I am Yours forever.
Even if I don't understand,
Help me.

The Middle Days

When you aren't in the depths of mire
Nor on the highest a mountain
Then I am with you.
Then I still kiss you.

I love you all my days
Even in the Middle Days.

The Box

The box.
It smells of excrement
It cries of horrors
Curled up
Scrunched up
A child she never was.

Sure she tried not to sin
But in the process
She ended up doing nothing
Fear
Fear
Fear

She wanted to dance, all her life.
But every time she heard a song
She was paralysed
She didn't want to dance
To the oracles of evil
So she ended up never dancing at all.

It must be wrong
That she never smiled
It must be wrong
That she held the weight of the world

It must be wrong
That whatever she did
She was wrong
It must be wrong
Something is wrong.

She hears the screams
But her own screams are too loud
They drown out the others
Narcissism creeps in
And she just wants to be broken
And held together

She has tried to be okay
She had tried to be kind
But the boldness that was simple
For the multitudes
Never reached her
She who was never a child
Never truly grew up.

She was told to believe
That the box wasn't there
That someone carried her our
Cleaned her up

But it seems like just another box
Darker than before
Because before,
There were puddles of self-pity
To wallow in
But now
No more
And the full blame was on her shoulders.

"I will still gaze.
I will not stop
Cause I know that the box
Is a mist
That there are eyes of fire
Waiting for me."