Incessant humming

Slight discomfort

A need to excrete coupled with

lazy feet

Impromptu dances

all by myself

compulsive eating

let the cereal boxes pile up

smiling at blackouts

because they do not make me sweat here

finding metaphors when I see

my first rat in a foreign land

hearing someone toss their trash

at 2:15 am

wondering why they're still up

smiles laced with fear

thinking of all the souls

that lie awake with me in this tiny building

only listening to the

incessant humming.

Fight

I fight you because I love you and I want you to fight for me.

Boyce Avenue

The sound of plucked guitar strings

sharp but smooth

like the tang of a lemon

with just the right level of sourness

Your voice slips 

through the cracks of your soul

spilling out; thin

barely seeping through

but focused

Then the plucks turn into strums

And your soul comes through 

just a little more

thicker, sharper!

Then the point where I

completely collapse:

you reach a high note

but instead of progressing to falsetto 

as you sometimes do,

you let it crack

And that's when

I feel like,

I see you.

picture source: https://www.pinterest.com/katiamello3/boyce-avenue/

Before You (Inspired by Lang Leav)

You were my first love.

Before you, all I had were

little closed flowers--

they never bloomed

Before you I felt, yes.

But I never screamed

I never yelled it out to the world

That I liked a boy

And even with you

I do not but

my actions say it all

I smile for you

Grip your left index finger

That's the way you gripped me

My finger it pointed directly

at you

I want to dip a brush in my bloodstream

And paint pictures of all the earthquakes

you invoked in me

without

even

knowing

Breath is my favorite word these days

Breath was never clear between you and me;

always murky

We weren't right

Not in that way

But the smog-filled breath

that we shared

was the first taste of real air

I ever got;

before you

I was a foetus

dependent on the

amniotic fluid that was

"reality"

Before you.

Honestly, I don't remember.

Nature's Wedding

The rocks are pretty tonight

A little on the hefty side

they're self-conscious to have to

bare their bodies to every stranger

that passes by

they've been the haven

of lovers and strangers

these rocks have seen it all

they stand so lifeless by the shore

restrained till high tide

when they marry the ocean

the rocks slowly formed

from sand and water and

rain and sun

pushed and punched

and pulled and stretched

pain produced demure beauty

the rocks marry the waves marry the wind.

Two Words and Two Worlds

What is perceived
is different from what is expressed.
We construct our own worlds

That's why hand-in-hand
is a longing so deep
why toe-to-toe seems like heaven;
because our words cannot meet and merge
and embrace and kiss and unite and make love
because the air devours them one-by-one
the hateful air with its ravenous appetite
for disconnection
refuses to let our words
tell the same story

but if our words cannot merge
will our haptic hugs be any better?

Someday

Someday I will find someone
Who feels like an old church song
that I remember crying to

Someday I will find someone
Whose kisses seem holy,
not rebellious

Someday I will find someone
who feels divine

But till then.

You

You're like a brown, dry plant
that I can't seem to let go of
you've grown on me
like a runner, like a morning glory
you've grown on me
not green, not fresh
but I'm tied to you somehow

you are steady

like a foot
that smells a little bad
but helps me walk
you help me

like muscles that aren't quite flexed
but still present
still strong

I love you
I hate you.

Burung

Andai kata anda di sini

Andai kata aku menangis

Adakah kau memelukku?

Ataupun memandangku bagai

burung yang tidak kau fahami

Aku mencicit

Aku menyanyi

Dengarlah, aku jerit.

Aku bagaikan ombak

melambai-lambai

ombak kecil

ya, ombak tanah air

bukan ombak besar

bukan ombak Australia

bukan ombak negeri orang

di tepi ombak biasa, kecil

aku pasti 

dapat cari

burung mencicit

yang boleh menyanyi

bersamaku

"Hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri, baik juga di negeri sendiri"

aduhai

Aku betul-betul rindu kau. Tapi aku tak mahu kacau. Jadi, aka duduk je; mandi dalam kesunyian hati. Maaf kalau aku membuat kau rasa bersalah. Aku lemah dari cuba. Ku tak mahu cuba lagi. Ku puas memberatkan hati orang lain. Jadi ku diam je. Ku tulis pun dalam Bahasa Malaysia s'bab ku tak mahu orang baca. Orang asing baca.

Air mata mengalir dan hati berdebar. Ku tak de sebab untuk hidup.

Ku mahu tidur tapi rasa bersalah pula.

Aduhai.

Melandaku

Ku rindu
ombak kecilmu

Ku rindu
agin kencangmu

Ku rindu hujanmu
yang melandaku
bagai peninju
ku rindumu

Ku mahu
menari
sambil laut menyanyi untukku
lagunya indah rupa dari khabar
rasalah